"When in doubt, eat Tapsilog"

Haha, that's my attempt in being funny today.  (Tapsilog is a popular Filipino breakfast, a plate of marinated beef with fried rice and sunny side up egg)

I will be honest. My friend, the repatriation blues has re-visited me quite often lately. 

Sometimes I wonder, what if I had the chance to warn myself in 2015 before leaving Dubai and coming home to the Philippines for good? These are the words I'm going to tell her:

Dear Self,

"And once the storm is over, 

you won't remember how

you made it through,

How you managed to survive,

You won't even be sure,

whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is for certain.

When you come out of the storm,

you won't be the same person who walked in.

That's what this storm is all about."

This too shall pass.

I've had so many highs and lows in my life. It still amazes me how I was able to walk through them unscathed.  Exhausting, though. I feel like a boxer sometimes, receiving blows, one after the other. 

I was talking to an old friend about my past recently and she had no idea. She told me she had a different perspective of me. That my life to her seemed perfect. 

I have always kept everything in, the entire time. Please don't get me wrong, it was never meant to mislead people. I grew up revealing my struggles only to a few. I suppose I have learned to suffer in silence most of my life.  If I were to describe it, I have always relied on my family for support and God as my ultimate therapist and companion.

I remember when my father passed away, I was broken in pieces. Yet, I chose to continue and push forward. Life went on. I went to my classes like nothing happened. I submitted my projects on time and after my evening classes, I went straight to the funeral and stayed there all night. I was early for class the next morning. None of my classmates knew what was going on. Sometimes, it's easier to be productive than deal with the pain by putting them into words. 

Slowly as I grew up, I've learned to verbalize and share my concerns with others, but I still worry of being seen as a downer and being an inconvenience by involving them with my troubles.  However, trust that if I ever do share, it means I am already at the end of my rope. 

This too shall pass.

This short line is so powerful, don't you think?

Life is ever changing.

No struggle is permanent.

Our scars make us beautiful.

Love & light,

Arni